dimanche 13 mars 2011

That's just the way it is, when love isn't there anymore

Fact is: men are victims of psychological violence. This story is not about numbers, it's about my own experience.

How many men do speak out? I never did. I lived with my own pain. Suffering I knew nothing about. Perhaps I did what many men are very good at: focus on reasoning, hide my emotions. I strived and excelled at work, rising within the company, until one day where things blew up. My body basically shut down on me.

Devastating. I didn't knew then but know now how much change this resulted in. I did everything I could to gain back my "supernatural" powers, since men are supposed to be perfect, or at least I felt I had to excel at the job and at home. But I wasn't anymore, less and less at the job, and felt empty at home.

This became my new journey, one that I would never forget, never looking back.

I was living in a glass prison, with no support from my ex and feeling guilty of saying anything beyond my house to anybody. Only able to talk to my psy, where I found out things about myself and my life I wasn't totally prepared to receive.

Over the course of the next couple of years I proceeded to turn my life upside down, while keeping my essence intact: my value and belief system.

Isolation grew around me, and the hatred never stopped, and still isn't as of today.

There's one promise I made really early that I've always kept: never to speak against my ex, always protect the bond between her and my kids.

Kids and I love each other like crazy, we are close and do many things together. Most of all we appreciate being around each other and enjoy simple things. I cherish everything they do as precious life moments, engraved in our hearts.

Some day, they'll know what went on. I won't even have to say a thing, I never have, likely never will. That's just the way it is.

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