vendredi 14 octobre 2011

I still love him, will always do

This morning it's rainy, and I've just dropped off the kids at school. My week with them is over, and my oldest son doesn't want to see his dad anymore, or just I said he doesn't want to come at my place anymore.

God help me.

I'm not the only one suffering I guess.

Other dads are being discriminated against from their kids. It feels so ackward, bizarre to say this, but it's something we rarely even hear anything about.

I have good psys helping me,.

I love my oldest son, but he's not owning up to his responsibilities. He is avoiding them. 13 years old. Right in the middle of morphing into many things.

I recognize that. But avoiding his dad and things he's frustrated about, wanting to do or just be at the receiving end, I don't see this as appropriate behaviour.

I'm trying to instill some sense of ethics and values into him. He's not responsive.

There's no point forcing things if he's not ready. I love him, but he needs to understand that there are certain rules to respect, that he's still just a kid, that he needs parents, and a strong dad.

He's a victim of some sort of collateral damage. My divorce has left scars, and he has been caught between mom and dad, our communication not being efficient at all times.

Like the U2 son 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for'. I feel he and myself are still looking for that balance between each other. That there would be nothing to set us apart, that we would be able to speak freely to each other without any interference.

Perhaps one day it will be possible.

In the meantime, I will take care of myself, cause it's not easy not being able to talk and see him.

I still love him, will always do.

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